My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew by Robert Benchley

Author:Robert Benchley [Benchley, Robert C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor, Satire, Social Commentary
Publisher: MobileRead.com
Published: 1935-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

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Skol!

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Professor Klaus Hansen, of Norway, has announced that he recently drank a 98 per cent solution of “heavy water” (H O) without experiencing any ill effects. That’s what he thinks. That’s what the man said who first drank an Alexander cocktail (one-half gin, one quarter crême de Cacao, one-quarter sweet cream).

The professor admitted that he had “to fight against hysteria” when he saw a mouse that drank heavy water at the same time show signs of illness immediately after the experiment. The mouse was no fool, obviously. He didn’t even have to fight against hysteria.

Of course, I would have to fight against hysteria if I simply saw a mouse. Following a drink of heavy water, or even vodka, the presence of a mouse in the room would give me the tip-off. Next would come the muskrats, then the mongeese, and then, in sly succession, the larger, more vivid animals. When one is experimenting with a new drink the fewer livestock there are around the better.

However, there is one item in the cable from Norway which makes me think that Professor Hansen may have hit on something. It is in the form of a follow-up, and it reads:

“Professor Klaus Hansen, of Oslo University, was so pleased today with his first quaff of heavy water that he ordered two litres (2.1134 quarts) more, valued at 20,000 kroner (about $5,080), for further experiments.”

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